Forever Wondering
by Vellkoshina
Summary: Tavros is in a bit of a pickle. Gamzee has finally managed to show his true feelings for Tav and yet the poor little troll has only been left in confusion. This is only strengthened by the fact that Gamzee disappears the morning after their time together. What will Tavros do? (many a butt will be fucked. just kidding this is fluffish. -nikoshina)


Tavros Nitram

I know I've never been an 'amazing' Troll, heck I've never really acted the way Trolls are meant to act. I'm weak minded, weak physically… weak in general. I can't speak my mind to others, and when I try I just end up getting flustered, tongue tied and embarrassed. Trolls aren't meant to be 'tongue tied'; we're meant to be… what? Gog I don't even know! That's how pathetic I am. Sometimes I think the other trolls just really want me gone. I'm helpless and vulnerable without my wheelchair and I rely too much on everyone. I'm hopeless. As I thought this, my eyes welled up with tears; I sniffled and wiped them away. Hearing my distress Tinker Bull fluttered over and alighted onto my shoulder. I stroked him and tried to smile. "It's a-alright little guy. I-I'm just upset is all." He squeaked in reply and nuzzled into my neck; gosh I couldn't imagine my life without him. He's literally my only 'normal' friend... Which kind of says a lot about my other friends, since Tink is a Lusus… and all the others are definitely odd?

I sighed and leaned back against the wall behind my cot, taking in my decorated bedroom. My laptop sat on my numb, useless legs; already turned off because of my most recent failure to troll. I swear some of those humans would make better trolls than me… "Gee, you would p-probably make a better troll t-than me, wouldn't you Tink.." Tinker Bull only rolled down into my lap, still squeaking like a baby land animal… I think they're called kitt-ies? Yeah, that sounds kind of right I guess. Still staring down at Tink curling up in my lap, I heard a honking at my door. Before I could yell for him to go away, he had flung open my door and literally fell into my room. What was he doing here? He always made me feel… weird, I don't know how to describe it! I've never felt anything like this before.. My chest always aches when he comes near and my stomach feels like it does somersaults or something.

"Sup' mother fucker?" He drawled as he made his way over to me, his face paint seemed kind of smeared today… Honestly I never know what he gets up to… I kind of don't want to know either.

"G-Gamzee w-what are you doing here?" I said in a shocked tone, well I thought I sounded pretty shocked and slightly angry but in reality it just come out as a whimper. He snickered at me "A mother fucker does what he wants, bro. So it's a mother fucking miracle." He pushed me over and laughed at my surprised tone and before I could even think of something to say he sat down next to me. Not just like a normal friend would either, but really close so that our shoulders, arms and legs were touching. At this Tinker Bull rolled out of my lap and fluttered back over to his make shift bed in my drawer, leaving me alone with Gamzee. My stomach flipped and twisted; no, wait, it full on skitzed out. My cheeks felt flushed and I tried to hide my face, hide my embarrassment. Oh why does he make me feel this way? Is it a bad thing? It doesn't feel that way though… Oh Gog what do I do? At feeling a light touch on my shoulder, I spun back to face him and that's when our horns… well… I guess you could say… got entangled.

"Oh u-uh I'm sorry- uh OW!" I accidentally yanked too hard and it only sent out a mixture of pain from the tug on my horns and what i presumed to be pleasure coursing down my spine. Within seconds our faces were mere millimetres away; perfect kissing distance. What? I frowned, wondering where that thought came from. I only looked up when I heard Gamzee's slight snicker, "I was only tryin to get your attention bro… Now that I have it…" First thing he did was untangle our horns like it was the easiest thing in the world, which made me feel foolish because I couldn't figure it out for the life of me. Then once we were both free he started to lean in and I froze. What was he thinking? Wait, he was going to kiss me? What do I do what do I do what do I do what do I do- and amidst my spinning thoughts, our lips met. It was… amazing. I was frozen for a few seconds and realized I had to kiss him back, but I didn't know how. Somehow feeling my confusion, Gamzee pulled away. I thought I had insulted him; I had failed to recuperate his feelings. But he only gave me one of his classic grins and caressed my face saying, "Don't worry, I can teach you… if you want?" At that my heart just completely melted and I felt like jelly in the palm of his hand. I didn't want him to stop either, I had to say something! Not something seriously lame either, but something cool! Like something that Dave human child would say! But just as I mustered my strength, all I managed was a shaky breath before i could choke out "S-sure, uh, Gamzee." Yep, 'sure' was all I said, blushing furiously. Not anything cool or even remotely seductive, just 'sure'. Oh and I stuttered, like usual I guess.. Gamzee didn't care though, he only grinned a grin that sent my heart aflutter. I smiled to myself, a genuine smile too. Being here with Gamzee… It made me feel beyond happy; it made me feel like I actually meant something to someone other than Tinker Bull. At Gamzee's slight intake of breath, I shyly looked to him and was surprised to see him staring at me. His full lips curling up at the sides in a soft smile, a real one not like his clown makeup."What is it?" I whispered, barely audible yet he heard me. "It's just, you're finally smiling... It's a mother fucking miracle" he said gently as he leaned in to place a tender kiss on my lips again. He was so gentle and it just made my stomach tie in knots even more than it already was. He parted the kiss, his make up a bit smeared and planted a chaste kiss on my cheek. I was gathering the courage to look him in the eyes. My cheeks were flushed and I probably looked even more helpless than usual, but I just couldn't pull myself together. He noticed my shy demeanour and moved his hand to my chin, guiding it to make me look him in the eyes. "Don't worry, bro" he said as he kissed me once again, deeper this time. Waves of pleasure coursed through me and I finally brought myself to kiss him back, feeling clumsy as I did so. He ran his tongue along my lower lip coaxing me to part them. I did as he wanted and parted my lips timidly. His tongue snaked into my mouth and explored it, occasionally rubbing his tongue against mine. The friction was exquisite. Blushing hard I did my best to kiss back as soft moans escaped my throat, muffled by the deepness of the kiss. Gamzee parted the kiss and looked at me, breathing hard. Our hot breathes intermingled and he moved to pull me onto his lap, yawning as if i bored him. It wasn't so, however, he wrapped his arms around me and leaned back holding me to his chest, rubbing my lower back gently. 'I don't know about you, bro, but I'm mother fuckin tired..' he said with a grin. I nodded; being tired as well as it was fairly late. 'Y-yeah I am..' I muttered reluctantly, yet feeling comfortable in his arms. I didn't want it to end, it had felt like i was ablaze with happiness and more. Something so unreal, it just had to be a dream; a dream I didn't want to wake up from. Finally I closed my eyes tiredly and drifted into a sweet daze, with Gamzee gently snoring above me.

I awoke the next day, only to find that Gamzee wasn't with me. I don't know why but i felt kind of down at the thought. I know i shouldn't be feeling this way, heck i wasn't even sure how I should be feeling... Were Gamzee and i matesprit's now? Did he want to be matesprit's?But why was he gone? I sat up and dragged my legs to the edge of the cot; i needed to talk to someone. Preferably Gamzee, but I had no idea where he had run off to in his drunken state.

"Tink! Hey, T-Tink push my chair over w-will ya?" Since no one else was around, and i was too tired to drag myself across the room to retrieve my wheelchair; i just had to make do with Tinker Bull. He lifted his tiny head from his resting place in my drawer and stared at me. "C'mon Tink, j-just this once?" He only sniffed then finally fluttered lazily to where my chair sat across the room. For his size, it was pretty dang surprising that he could lug the thing over to where i sat. I patted him with a smile and promised to play fiduspawn when I came back. He only snorted and floated back to the drawer. I don't know why he liked the damn thing so much... He was probably hiding something in there... Oh well, it didn't matter at the moment.

Slowly but carefully I climbed down into my wheelchair, trying to imagine it more as an armour than my vulnerability. It kinda worked i guess. I wasn't as self-conscious as i usually was. I rolled out into the corridor, it was a lucky thing the other trolls had decided it'd be easier to live in a dormitory. I liked that, although there were some Trolls i would have preferred to, let's say, stay away and never bother me ever again. Like that Vriska, she was always so vicious, like she had this urge to just ruin my day. I try not to let it bother me, but it just gets too hard to handle sometimes, you know?

As I kept rolling down the corridor I could hear noises coming from individual rooms. From Karkat's I could hear him mumbling and cursing, probably talking to those human children again. From Nepeta's, only the sound of kittens were audible... Probably looking up some cat sites, again... She's a funny one. But then finally I came to a rolling stop in front of _his _room. Suddenly my heart started pounding and I had to take a few gulps of air. What had happened last night made me feel warm and fuzzy. Like I had gotten drunk on one of those slime pies Gamzee always has with him… I've never felt like that before and I didn't know what to think about it. Sure it made me feel like the happiest troll in all the worlds, but it made me unsure as well. Unsure of if this, whatever it was, was truly the real deal. I decided to take a peek into his room, hoping to find him asleep amongst his recuperacoon. But he wasn't there… His room was a mess as always; slime pies were splattered on the floor and his laptop was lying face down amid the goop. I frowned but paid no mind to it. I'd try to find him later, but right now I needed to talk to someone other than him.

Kanaya was always the motherly figure of our household, so I tended to look up to her… no cripple joke intended… But at this very moment I decided to seek her out. She wasn't in her room so I decided to check the kitchen and low and behold, there she was. Karkat was with her, which put me into low spirits. After our last encounter I tried to stay as far away from him as possible. I was about to turn around and roll on out of there until Kanaya caught sight of me and called me over. "Tavros what're you doing up so early?" She said warmly, whereas Karkat didn't even acknowledge me. It didn't matter; I wasn't here to talk to that ass hole. "J-just things, um, y-you know." I stuttered quite horribly. I needed to talk to her desperately, but that crab wasn't going anywhere. I mustered all the confidence I could manage and asked, "K-Kanaya can w-we talk… a-alone?" I added and sneaked a glance at Karkat. He only cocked his eyebrow, whether at me being straight forward for once or him being secluded from our conversation. Although he did leave without a fuss at Kanaya's bidding.


End file.
